Free Write

The other day... perhaps a few weeks ago? I'm not too sure how long it has been- but all I know is, it is still on my mind. A girl. A certain girl. Got me so negatively flustered that I actually punched a door... It isn't like the door did anything to me but I still had to release the energy I felt...

It got me wondering, why is it that one person can have such an extreme effect on me... Or anyone for that matter. Why is it we openly dive into something knowing there is such a chance for an unpleasant outcome? Why is it, that we will consciously think about something or explore it, knowing it will upset us? I wonder if, three thousand years ago- women still had this ability to make a man do insane things... Or a man could have this effect on a woman? That's just the wonderous thing about humankind; curiosity, and how we let it get the best of us. I assume that even three thousand years ago, a human could no doubt abuse someones emotional/mental state so bad, that they would act out of character... Hmm, humankind.



Emotions are everything apparently... Everything we do, is based on emotions. Nomatter how much we think about something; we usually act based on our emotional wants and needs. The media makes money and produces products hoping to influence our states of mind. For example... a love story, a romantic movie. Many people will go see one to laugh and enjoy the love and heartbreak that the couple in the film experienced, but leave at the end, envious that the couple worked out for the best- knowing that's how every romantic movie works. They leave envious and wishing they could find that one true love... Is there just one true love? Or perhaps many... Most of my writing is a reflection of my experiences or my oppinions on love or permiscuity, because it is something that facsinates me. I find a story simply isn't interesting unless it can pull at heartstrings a bit, negatively or positively...

Personally, I love to pull at strings in a negative way... I really like to make people feel regret or disgust. For example in one of the many novels I am working on; a man hits an old woman while he's driving and if he backs his truck up, he'll rip her in half... so he has to kill her by shooting her. I let one of my friends read it, and with the detail I put in it, my friend said it made her feel sick to her stomache, and I got a sense of pride... In a very twisted way.



I was in my room, reading 'The Darkest Knight' It's a comic book about Green Lantern and The Flash, and I got to thinking about that certain girl and I had to stop reading due to lack of concentration... So I wrote her a letter, because writing is perhaps my strongest aspect, one that she rather enjoys... But in the letter I had some vulgarity, but later apoligized for it in the same letter stating "That I was angry, but it was only temperary and you should not be offended... and if you are, I apoligize..." and I wondered how even though she emotionally hurt me, how I still cared about how anything I said, would make her feel... Hmm, will humankind ever not care about what they did... and if so... Would they still be human?

Sigh, she looked at my hand the other day and frowned at me... Stating I shouldn't have done that [Punch a door] and she said I was stupid for doing so. and I took her patronizing concern and noted it... For what reason did I note it? It seems that this isn't so much a journal entry, but a slew of questions... Questions that my mind keeps dispencing, and questions that my hands can seldom keep up with... When it comes to the oppisite sex, if I truely care about them... My hand can seldom make my irratic lust-broughten thoughts and make them into a linear sentence that can physically be written down on paper... Sigh..
I feel my rant is done...